I haven't been this sober since birth.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Gay?
German.
Pity.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
