Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
