She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
