She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
