I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
