Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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