My room smells like vodka and shame
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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