Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
