i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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