I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
