wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
