I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
