im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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