I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
