whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
