my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
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I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
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