Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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