dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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