if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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