You smell like a Billy Joel song
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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