life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
