she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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