so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
