he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
