this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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