I need to stop coming to work sober
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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