Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
