Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
