I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
