Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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