my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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