So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
