Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
