btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
