His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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