Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
