Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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