Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
