Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
