Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
