dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
