A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
