when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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