once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
