Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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