seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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