Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
