only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
