i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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