I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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