He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
