omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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