he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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