apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
