I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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