its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
