So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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