Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
