"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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