3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
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