Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
