I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
