I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
