I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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