so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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