I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And then my night got REAL pukey
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
