It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
