Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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