I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You are the jesus of drinking
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
