Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
