There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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