The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ugly people sure do ruin things
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
