My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I am available for nakedness
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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