yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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