dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
