I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
