I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
