yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Someone signed my nipple.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
