Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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